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Love and Marriage...

Just the other day I was on facebook (surprised?) and saw something really depressing happen.  My friend’s relationship status went from married to single.  The same friend who’s wife and he had been flirting on facebook just months before.  A friend who has a daughter with my other (and closer) friend, his wife and then a son who his wife has been like a mother to.  I haven’t been in touch with this couple very much in the past few years.  We moved away and our relationship kind of fizzled out as many friendships end up doing.  I don’t know the story of what has happened in the past few months and I don’t know what their reasoning is, but I have to tell you, it is depressing.  This happens the week before my husband and I are to celebrate our 8 year anniversary.

There is an easy way and a hard way in life.  The easy way is simple.  It is the me-first generation attitude that I have blogged about before.  I am worth more than this, I deserve better, I don’t see us working out or communication barrier, I don’t feel like trying any more, I…I….I……  I have quite a few friends that have been divorced before.  It breaks my heart to see it happening so often.  They drift apart because their relationship doesn’t take priority in their lives, they cheat on each other, they lie, steal from bank accounts, hurt emotionally and physically.  The decision that they made when they chose to marry the other person- the covenant that they made between them and God is not a priority. 

I will admit, there have been times that I have though, it would just be easier if I were single.  It would be more fun if I were single.  I wouldn’t feel worthless if I were single.  I could do what I wanted if I were single.  There are times that I haven’t felt loved, appreciated or worth very much.  Sometimes reading those relationship books together then not seeing the effort put forward the way that you want it to can hurt a relationship more than help it.  The good thing is that my husband and I made a pact when we were first married.  The D word was to never be used about our relationship.  For the most part, we have held really true to that.

It has not been easy though.  Marriage is not easy (just like Christianity isn’t easy).  LOVE is not easy.  When you choose to love someone.  When you say – yes – I am going to love you, it is not just an emotion.  Love isn’t always just an emotion, it is a choice.  It is not a fight, it is a battle, a battle that can be won when God is on your side. 

1st Corinthians 13:4-7 is a verse that we hear all the time.  It is said in a lot of weddings, even my friend’s wedding that just changed his status.  It reads: “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers.”

I will say it again, marriages are always about the touchy feely butterflies in your stomach, flowers brought home from work.  Love isn’t just an emotion, it is a choice.  I adore this verse- it speaks volumes.  Read it again – it is PATIENT, kind, not proud, not rude, NOT SELF-SEEKING, not easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs, it protects, trusts, hopes and LOVE ALWAYS PERSERVERS.

We are called to love one another.  When we marry, we are called to become one with our spouse, making a covenant with the Lord.  We go before our friends, our families, our GOD and make a sacred covenant that we will LOVE, honor and obey each other.  For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for BETTER OR WORSE as long as we both shall live.  If you are struggling, get help.  It isn’t fair to let love loose the battle. 

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